Death of a Villain

The name's Dastardly…Dick Dastardly and I am now lying in a hospital bed at a hundred years old with cancer.  Didn't even bother with chemo and radiation.  Hell no one would mourn my death.  Probably celebrate it.

I have been a villain all my life.  Well considered one anyway.  Few knew me and really knew how I thought and felt.  I am writing this memoir only to get my thoughts down on paper.  Doubtful anyone would care to read it.

I was born into a wealthy family.  Wealthy and corrupt full of hate and anger.  Yes I was abused and so was Danny, my twin brother.  You would know him as Dread Baron.  We were taken out and into foster care where we were separated.  Our final words to each other: I hate you.

But I digress.  I joined a squadron called the Vulture Squadron when I was in my early twenties.  Tried constantly to catch some stupid pigeon.  Then became a wacky racer.

Its funny.  I never won a race.  Everything I did was considered cheating but the others were just considered racing when they pulled out their own tricks.  Perhaps if I never stopped to set up a trap I wouldn't have lost.  The Double 0 had been a powerful machine.

I was out of work for quite some time after that, even homeless.  Years later was the treasure hunts.  I always tried to steal the treasure from the so called good guys.  I'd follow them around in the Dirty Tricks and listen in on Top Cat tell the clues.  They once again always one upped me.

Through all that I wasn't alone though.  I had a dog named Muttley.  He passed away some odd years ago.  Hell he lived longer than any other dog by quite a few years.  After the treasure hunts.  I miss him believe it or not.  Never knew why he stayed with a greedy, heartless villain like me.

The point in all of this is for those who want to go into villainy.  It's a lonely life.  I have many regrets.  My brother and I never reconciled and I never had a human friend.  I have lived a villains life and I will die a villains death.  No one mourns the wicked after all.

Remember that you young children that want to be badass.  I am about to be judged and punished when I take my last breath.  I am fearful but I am ready.  I deserve it.  I just pray that the ones I have hurt in the past will somehow forgive me.

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Dick Dastardly passed away that night and was buried in a cheap grave.  His spirit has been seen in the cemetery wondering around lost and alone.